” Better advice when dating someone would be, “listen to the counsel of others,” or “seek to be wise in your relationships.” These phrases aren’t as cool or as much fun as “follow your heart” but in the end they will lead you to much more joy and fulfillment. From the beginning of time men and women have tried to enter into some sort of dating relationship “casually.” Where the relationship “wasn’t so defined” or where “they were just going to take it day by day.” In the end, 100% of the time, these “casual dating configurations” leave somebody hurt, because one person is more committed to the relationship than the other.Dating doesn’t exist to have someone that you can hang out with or “make out” with on the side, dating is designed for the pursuit of marriage.
Almost a year ago I started dating a minister at my church. We talked day and night and had a great connection. A few months ago a young lady starting attending our church and she was always speaking to him, but he never changed.I did inquire about who she was and he said she was a friend’s niece whom he invited to the church. He’s recently been called to pastor another church and the young lady left my church and joined his new church. He and I still communicate daily and I understand right now that he has been busy with his new church, for the fact that I help out there sometimes because my grandfather was the pastor before him and he had retired.Now, don’t get me wrong, emotion and compatibility are important in relationships but they are not the most important things.Often times the phrase “follow your heart” really only means “follow your youthful lusts.” The Bible actually gives us some great insight into the heart, as we read in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out her motives and aims. Let him know that though you may be saved, sanctified, and filled with the holy ghost, but if you need to get buck with that young lady, then, YOU WILL GET BUCK!
She wants him, or they are already having an affair. You didn’t go into much detail about the intimacy of your relationship with him, and I understand that due to him being a pastor and your decorum as a church sanctified lady, but, err, ma’am, don’t sleep on this man and his needs and desires. If he is not getting it from you, then he will get it from someone who is willing to be his freak in the sheets, or under his robe. And, there are plenty of church women groupies who are willing to sneak in the pastor’s study, or in the sanctuary after the church is empty and slide up under that robe. There are some church freaks who will do the deed all in the name of the lord, while he is laying hands, literally! Don’t let that young lady run you out of your own house! Get him together, and sit him down and tell him to be honest with you and upfront. Don’t let the, “Praise the lord,” and “Hallelujah,” fool you!
You know what this young woman’s motives are, so please don’t act naïve. Her goal and aim, if she is not already sleeping with him, is to become the first lady of the church before you!
Don’t be surprised when you see her sitting up in the first pew with her big church hat. How can you both be more supportive of one another, and you of him as the new pastor of your grandfather’s church?
And you won’t make it unless you are secure in who you are in Christ. There are a few other careers where this holds true, but not many.
And here’s the kicker…if you make the decision to do the right thing just to honor your spouse, you will resent him or her for it one day. There’s no person on earth who needs more encouragement than a pastor. And trust me, those few minutes on a Sunday morning where he/she is preaching is the most important few minutes of his/her week. Too many people I know are miserable in ministry…that’s because it’s hard!
If they have armor bearers you need to have a seat! You don’t have to stand at the altar and stretch your hands speaking in tongues making it obvious you are covering them in prayer. Get off the front row and stop trying to pre-fill the role! He is not obligated to acknowledge you as their significant other just because you all are dating.